i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
