whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They are going to name an STD after you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize