well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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