dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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