I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
