But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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