He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
