Having a random hookup so left but love u
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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