Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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