i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am naked and annoyed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
