I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
