I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
