just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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