Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
