I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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