i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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