ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
