So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
