I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
