I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
