My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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