she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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