I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
