I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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