Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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