ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
