Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
