Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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