No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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