Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Two words: blizzard sex
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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