He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
