The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
