I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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