you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
