bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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