I love black thongs
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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