I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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