Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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