I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
