He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
