well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
