im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
