I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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