Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
