do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
