I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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