420 ftw
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
