But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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