Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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