She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
