i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
