i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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