dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
