my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The air was thick with penises
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
