wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
