Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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