you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
