Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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