Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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