So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
