Moan for me like Helen Keller
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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