Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
