There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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