i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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