I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize